I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So much Jack, so little girl.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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