Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know her cup size but not her name....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
