i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
