My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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