you didnt know i had herpes?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is my gift to your gina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
