If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
