going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
