Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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