i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
