why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm both gender and math confused
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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