Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
