spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
