As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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