Dual....:-)
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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