you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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