I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
