I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
