its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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