she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
