I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So much rum. So many feels.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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