do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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