the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
