Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
