god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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