don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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