So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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