At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
