It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
