I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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