maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Farmville is her only friend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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