That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
