im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
