what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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