we were pretty classy up until the second keg
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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