Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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