When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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