Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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