she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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