saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
