We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
false alarm. still invincible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
