first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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