She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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