I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
