Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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