I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
