Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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