Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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