I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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