I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
