I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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