So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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