it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
