How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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