I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
