I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
