Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
