What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't tell me you're on acid again
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
