why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is wine microwaveable?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
