I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
