i already hear my dad disowning me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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