sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
