Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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