I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize