U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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