I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
