His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
