thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She's the barista slut.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
