You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were trust falling into bushes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
